Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I'm still here

I've been M.I.A. for a while. I've had a lot of good and bad stress, since the beginning of this year. In Jan. my uncle passed away, I hurt my shoulder and had a really, really bad cold. In Feb. we had some major changes in our living space, which thankfully is close to settled. My car over heated and the head gasket is cracked which means antifreeze and oil mixed and since the car is a 1997 it's not worth fixing. The sad part about this is I got the car from my mom, who barely used it, 3 years ago. It only had 25,000 miles on it! I managed to get it up to 60,000 miles but I was hoping to keep this car for at least another 5 years. I am really bummed at the thought of car shopping and the unexpected cost it entails.

All the ups and downs have thrown off my schedule and overall mojo. I haven't worked out since I did the virtual 5k. My feet and legs still don't feel good and that helps me make excuses to not exercise. I haven't been eating well and have gained weight. I weighed in two weeks ago and saw a new all time high. I was devastated. I weighed in last week and had come down 3 lbs. still leaving me higher than my last all time high. I just feel really hollow when I think about it, kinda detached.

I feel like I'm just gonna keep gaining until I pop (mentally or physically).  My feet, ankle, hips and low back hurt all the time. Why aren't these signals from my body enough to help me make a change and really start taking care of myself? It's made me very depressed, I am starting to have trouble fitting into my clothes too. At times I seriously wish I could be taken away from myself and let someone who gives a crap take care of me.

I'm having a "I hate food and wish I didn't have to eat" spell. Most of the time I prefer cookies/ chocolate over food. In fact, I can't even say that I HAVE a favorite meal. I never know what to order when I'm at a restaurant because I actual loathe all of it.

I took a hiatus from all the podcasts, websites and blogs I read. I get so overwhelmed and start feeling like I just don't know what to eat or do. After a while NONE of it makes sense anymore and something that should be natural is completely foreign.

I just don't know how to get myself refocused.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Wednesday Weigh In!

I weighed in today and was thrilled to see I maintained!

I had a very rough week and weekend. I didn't work out because of foot and leg pain. I didn't cook or eat on schedule because of the house project. I feel like I'm letting life help me makes excuses for not staying focused and that happens to me often. When I let that happen I give up control. But I feel I was so pressed for time it just couldn't have worked out any other way. The combination of feeling guilty and the house being a mess lead to a binge on Monday night. UGH!! I had a 3 week streak of being binge free. I made a quick stop at the store on my way home. At the check out were the EVIL, hard to find Reese's Sticks. I could've bought the 2 pack but nooo the 4 pack was a better price! (in hind sight was it really?) I ate 3 of them on the way home and they were delicious. I had a few Chips Ahoy too, when I got home. I bought them for my hubby and I've been really good at not eating his treats. Making dinner right now is a disaster, the kitchens unorganized and I just wanted them!

I woke up on Tuesday with a MEGA MIGRAINE. I am semi blaming it on the sugar binge. I had been keeping it very low carb and suagry snack free as possible. I could be wrong but I could be right. I went into work late because of it. When I have a migraine I really can't eat. So, my food yesterday minimal and I went to bed at 7 pm. I need to buy lunch today since I didn't pack it last night. I'm gonna get a salad at Quiznos I think. I have to get myself back on track.

On Friday evening (2/1) I went for my sports massage. The massage therapist was really cool and we chatted a lot about food and non traditional medicine as he rubbed and stretched my legs and lower back. He agrees I should see my podiatrist. I felt good on Saturday most of the day, by Monday morning it felt as though all the massage goodness went away.

I started wearing my orthotics in my shoes on Tuesday. With all the resting from the migraine and keeping my feet elevated at my desk (suggested by the massage therapist) my feet & legs feel pretty good today. I am going to hit the treadmill tonight, no running just a brisk walk for at least 30 minutes.

How do you keep yourself focused when life gets in the way of your weight loss goals? How do you deal with the guilt you feel after letting it happen and possibly after bingeing?